Bittersweet: A Paradoxical Emotion

Bittersweet is defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary as “being at once bitter and sweet, especially : pleasant but including or marked by elements of suffering or regret”. 

Brené Brown defines bittersweet as “a mixed feeling of happiness and sadness”. She goes on to mention in her book Atlas of the Heart, that she noticed the common theme of the feeling of bittersweet is that there is “sadness about letting go of something, mixed with happiness and/or gratitude about what’s been experienced and/or what’s next”. 

When I think of the word bittersweet as an emotion, I think about how common of an experience this is for folks. A lot of people can label experiences of bittersweetness, and if we can’t label them, after hearing an explanation of it, we can easily connect scenarios and experiences to this emotion. Some of the common experiences that humans have with the feeling of bittersweet is: 

• Growing up (both for the person growing up, and their parents or other parental figures)

• Moving

• Getting married/falling in love

• Becoming parents

• Losing a loved one (yes, this includes our beloved pets)

All of these things are things that we can both appreciate the good and the things that brought us joy, as well as the sadness that comes with losing others; whether it’s losing/missing an old home, a more free-spirited life, or losing someone due to break-up or death. 

What I think is beautiful in the familiarization of bittersweet, especially when looking through a therapist lens, is that we have evidence that you can feel both something positive and negative simultaneously. This is something that is extremely common in therapy and something that a lot of people struggle to make sense of, including me. That we can have two opposing feelings and experiences related to one thing; that it doesn’t have to be one OR the other, but rather it can be one AND the other. 

If there is anything to take away from this blog today, it’s that important switch of vocabulary from OR, to AND when it comes to emotions. Oftentimes, if you’re feeling conflicted about your emotions, it might be because you’re trying to pick one, rather than allowing them both to be true at the same time. 

Sources: 

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bittersweet

Brené Brown - Atlas of the Heart